Dry January Without Going Sober: How to Actually Drink Less Without Rebounding
If you’re thinking about doing Dry January (or Sober October, or whatever trendy little month the internet is obsessed with), let me just say this:
I’m so here for you.
I’m Erica Mallery, founder of ShameOver, and I help women drink less and feel more — without going all-out sober, without ditching date night, and without acting like the only way to be “healthy” is to never touch a margarita again.
I used to be a daily wine drinker. Fully functional. Fully exhausted. Fully stuck in the “it’s been a day…” (wine = reward) cycle.
And then I cut back by over 90% — not by white-knuckling, not by punishing myself, and definitely not by hiding at home like alcohol was a wild animal waiting to attack me at Target.
I did it by learning what most women were never taught:
Drinking isn’t the problem. It’s usually the solution.
Not a great solution… but a solution.
And that’s why Dry January can be amazing… or it can totally backfire.
The good news: Taking a break from alcohol can feel incredible
People often notice things like:
Better sleep
Better mood
More energy
Clearer skin
Less bloat (sometimes weight loss too)
Better focus
Healthier liver function
Lower blood pressure
Like… honestly? Your body is usually like, “Oh wow, thank you???”
The problem: Most people do Dry January in the most miserable way possible
And then they wonder why February turns into a full-blown detox-to-retox situation.
Here’s what I see all the time:
People take a month off, spend 30 days feeling deprived, avoid every social plan, “stay strong” through pure willpower… and then celebrate being “done” by drinking harder than before.
That’s not a reset. That’s a rebound.
The issue isn’t Dry January — it’s the all-or-nothing mindset behind it.
So if you want to actually reap the benefits (and not end up drinking more later), here’s how to do it the ShameOver way.
Dry January Without Quitting Alcohol Forever?!
〰️
Dry January Without Quitting Alcohol Forever?! 〰️
Mindset Shifts That Make Dry January Easier
1) Mindset first: this is a gift, not a punishment
If your inner dialogue is:
“I can’t drink.”
“I don’t get to have wine.”
“This sucks.”
…your brain will treat alcohol like it’s been stolen from you, and your cravings will crank up like a toddler who just heard the word “no.”
Try this instead:
“I get to sleep like a champion.”
“I get to wake up clear-headed.”
“I’m giving my body a break because I love it.”
This shift matters more than people realize. Because if not drinking feels like punishment, you’ll unconsciously make drinking the reward.
And that’s the setup for bingeing.
Also: take it one day at a time. Don’t stare at January 31st like it’s a prison release date. Today is the only day you have to win.
Tips to Succeed at Dry January Without Rebounding
2) Keep the ritual (because the ritual is usually what you actually need)
For a lot of women — especially moms — that “wine o’clock” drink is the first moment all day that feels like theirs.
It’s not always about alcohol. It’s about the pause. The exhale. The “I’m off duty” feeling.
So if you rip that away and replace it with… nothing?
Of course you’ll feel edgy and deprived.
Instead, keep the ritual, just change what’s in the glass.
Pour a killer zero-proof option into your favorite glass
Make a cozy tea and romanticize it like your life depends on it
Light a candle, put your phone down, play music, take a beat
You’re not trying to remove pleasure from your life. You’re trying to stop needing alcohol to access it.
Nervous System Regulation and Alcohol
3) Regulate your nervous system (because that’s what most drinking actually is)
This is the part no one talks about enough:
Most people drink to regulate their nervous system.
To shut the brain off. To come down from stress. To take the edge off. To feel “normal” again.
So if alcohol has been your main tool, removing it can feel like you’re raw-dogging life with no coping skills.
Dry January becomes easier when you replace “numbing” with actual regulation.
Start simple:
Breathe (yes, really — it’s free and it works)
Journal for 3 minutes
Move your body even a little
Connect with someone
Do something calming with your hands (puzzles, coloring, paint by numbers, knitting, whatever makes you feel grounded)
I have my clients create a PS List:
P = Pleasure
S = Stress Reducers
And here’s the magic:
If you do something from your PS list before you ever take a sip, you start rewiring your brain. Your body learns: I can feel better without alcohol.
That’s when the real change starts.
How to Drink Less Without Giving Up Your Social Life
4) Practice being social without alcohol (don’t hide all month)
A lot of people approach Dry January like they have to avoid every trigger to “succeed.”
But then February hits… and they’ve learned nothing except how to isolate.
Instead, I recommend the opposite:
Practice.
Go to happy hour. Go on date night. Attend the birthday dinner.
And see what it’s like to be in your body, fully present.
You’ve been practicing drinking for years (and you’re really good at it).
Now you’re building a new skill set. It’s called mindful drinking.
Yes, it can feel awkward at first. But it gets easier fast — and it’s wildly empowering when you realize you don’t need alcohol as much as you thought. You also likely can drink less without quitting!
5) Have a WHY that actually means something
Not some vague “I should probably cut back.”
A real WHY.
Ask yourself:
Why now?
What do I want to feel instead?
What would success look like for me?
What is drinking currently doing for me — and what is it costing me?
Write it down. Look at it daily. Not in a shamey way — in a “I’m choosing me” way.
Because motivation fades.
But meaning sticks.
6) Get support (because doing this alone is overrated)
We’re not meant to do hard things alone. And let’s be honest: it’s way more fun with someone in your corner.
Whether it’s:
an accountability buddy
a supportive friend
a coach
a community
Support changes everything. Especially if you’ve been silently struggling and trying to “be good” in private.
The bottom line
Most people don’t have a drinking problem.
Drinking has become the solution.
Dry January can be a powerful reset — but only if you use it to understand what’s underneath the habit.
So don’t just “stop drinking.”
Learn why you drink.
Keep your rituals.
Regulate your nervous system.
Practice real life, mindful drinking.
And ditch the all-or-nothing mentality that keeps so many women stuck.
Because you don’t need to lose the fun to lose the hangover.
Cheers to that. 🍸✨
If you want to do Dry January without going sober, check out DryISH January! The perfect way to see benefits and habits that stick far beyond January 31st, join me here!